06 Sep Does God give you the desires of your heart?

I’ve always wanted to do Charity work. Ever since I got saved, God put it in my heart to do Charity work. I’m a perfect example, of how God can put something in your heart, and it just dies there. God placed that in my heart, and it has been there for years, waiting to be acted upon. I always had an excuse on why I couldn’t do it. Like most of us. I had more immediate things to do. Like work, socializing, entertainment, romance, and building my life.

Once I was done and settled with that, then I would make time to volunteer and do charity work. I was always willing to donate money to charity, but when it came to my time, I placed a high premium on it. It was far easier to give money, then to give my time. As long as I was working to build my life, there always seem to be something that was out of place. If I was satisfied in one area of my life, then I was dissatisfied with another area. And that meant I had to work harder in that particular area. And if I was fortunate enough to catch up in that area, then I fell behind in another area. So I was in a constant cycle, which meant I was always busy, which meant I would never get to a place were I would be able to do volunteer work. I wanted to do it, but I wanted to do it without sacrifice. I wanted to do it with the least amount of personal adjustment as possible. I wanted to do it with out it being uncomfortable to me or a hassle. Doing it now meant subtracting from one of the categories I listed up top. And they were much to important to take time away from.

It’s not like what I was after was selfish. Far from it. My goals were not selfish. In fact, it is the desire that all Men\Female have. The desires themselves were not selfish. The time I spent trying to acquire and achieve them, were. I always believed that Faith without works is dead. Anyone who is a Christian should be that. So I was willing to put in the work, and I was willing to wait for the results of the effort. I work hard, God will do the rest. As you can see I was a busy man, as most of us are. Sometimes you can be extremely busy at doing nothing. I never really actually felt like all my efforts that I put into building my life, brought back the results to match the effort. I always felt like my efforts always outpaced the results. Whenever I hit a “goal”, I would soon set another. Then the race was on again. The race. The race to acquire the desires of my heart. God said through faith I can have them. Psalms Ch:37-4 says it clear as day: ” Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart“.

I was working my plan, and planning my work. But I kept falling short constantly. I would excel in one area, and fail miserably in another. Whatever I was doing just wasn’t working. The harder I tried, the more frustrated I became. Until I would get so frustrated I would just stop trying. And after some while of taking a break, I would be at it again. Only to fail again and become frustrated. I was caught in a vicious cycle. So between the triumphs I was able to eek out, and the failures, I was constantly working towards Psalm chapter 37 verse 4. This was a race, not a sprint, so it was going to take some serious tenacity and perseverance to achieve the blessings got had stored up for me.

But after years of failing miserably to obtain the things that I desired, I asked myself “how can it be this hard”? I mean, if Faith as small as a mustard seed could move a mountain, I should have been able to say to the Niagara Falls, “move to the shores of Puerto Rico”, and surely it should have moved! I was caught in a cycle of being frustration, anger, and reset; but never actually moving any closer to my goals. I mean years of this. I started to question Psalm 37:4. Either God is a liar, or I’m doing something wrong. God can’t lie, so I must be doing something wrong. So I would tweak things, try to go about things a little differently, adapt a different mindset. Get advice from people who were smarter then me. People who were more successful then me. I would Pray. Read my Bible. Then take all that I knew and reapply it again. And this time you know what happen? I still failed.

Now nothing made sense. You cannot say my effort was not there. That would be a gross understatement. I know I am not a saint. I know I am not the worlds biggest sinner saved by Grace. One thing was definitely obvious. God was not with me. I could not fail for this long in these ways with him being with me. But what was even worse is I did not know what I was doing wrong! That is the most frustrating thing. There is nothing more frustrating then giving it your all over and over again and not getting results. Like a person trying to lose weight repeatedly. They’re eating the right foods. There exercising every day, only to see the needle on the scale move 1cm. Or worse, go up! I did not know what I was doing wrong. And God was not exactly being vocal at the time. There was no burning bush to set me straight. I struggled. God will give you the desires of your heart. I questioned that scripture. I read other scriptures that further supported Psalm 37-4. The Bible is littered with such sayings. The book of Matthew 21:22; Mark 11:24; John 14:13; Matthew 18:19. I searched the Bible. Confided in friends. Prayed.

Not once did I pray for God to move me to do Charitable works. I found that the hardest person I pray for is myself. Its not even close. I pray for Family, Friends, strangers, co-workers, etc. But no one gets Gods ear the most when it comes to prayers then myself. I was persistent and relentless when it came to the things I wanted and needed. I was an absolute savage! I have no quit when it came to my interest. God loved me, but there was definitely things God needed me to recognize and change about myself. Or I should say, allow the spirit to change about me. I thought I was alright. And I was. But God does want his children to be “alright”. He wants them to be Great! I still struggle with the me Prayers. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the place where Job was. The Bible says Job made daily sacrifices for his children to God, and was continuously praying for them due to their sins. The Bible said he went about his life looking for ways to do good.

And though we cannot all be Job, we can be the best versions of ourselves. I am not the best version of myself. That does not happen when your prayers are constantly on yourself. That does not happen when you are constantly seeking the desires of your heart. YOUR heart. God does not give you the desires of your heart. God changes your heart. And once God changes your heart, and your mind has been renewed, he will then give you the desires of your changed heart and renewed mind. Until that time comes, your desires are just that, your desires. And God is not under any obligation to honor them.

There are somethings I believe God puts in our hearts. And these things carry over, and he will deliver them in due time. There are somethings we hold dearly and put all our hope and faith in for God to deliver. And if he doesn’t, it will be devastating. The question is, “will you still love God even when what you love dearly is not giving to you?”

And easy answer of “yes”, is heard from the person in the crowd who has never had to face that. “God, I will love you even if the very thing I love dearly is taking away from me, or not giving to me”. That is a very easy statement to make. But it is a very difficult statement to mean. I don’t know what dreams you are holding onto for dear life. I don’t know what it is you love. There are things I’m holding onto that I don’t even see a inkling of it, even remotely, not even a shadow of it happening. But something inside me keeps believing that it can happen with God.

I’m either the town jester, and the World’s biggest fool! Or it’s something else that’s going on. Something inside me somewhere. Maybe this is what Faith is….