07 Sep To hurt to try again

Hurt people hurt people. You, me, I, and them. We are one large community of hurt people. We hurt people with our words. Our ideas. I’ll stares. Our grins. Our eyes. Our thoughts. And our lives. As decently as a person tries to live their lives, they will at some point hurt someone. It may be unintentional. It may be intentional. It’s the one thing universally we are good at. While we are out living our best lives, we have a trail of bodies along our path of life. Bodies belonging to people. Who have been hurt by us. Something as simple as a choice causes pain for one, and relief for another. “May I take you out on a date”. “No thank you, I’m not interested”.

Or a smile and an enthusiastic “Hello”, to a stranger who just looks at you coldly and turns away without greeting back. When a Man decides to leave his relationship because he’s no longer deeply cares for the woman he was seeing over the past year. A job you were passionately pursuing decided after the interview that they did not want you for the Job. You are not the type of person their looking for to work at their Company. We hurt people every day. Most times we are unaware of it. We are just making “decisions”. But all decisions come with a price. To us and to others. We must understand that our lives are so “interconnected”, that we have the ability to affect one another without evening knowing one another.

I have my fair share of people I’ve hurt. I’ve been hurt more times than I can count. Sometimes I set myself up to be hurt. It was not my intention to get hurt. That’s why we must be careful with the situations we put ourselves in. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

There’s nothing like trying something many times over and not seeing the expected results. Expectations can set you up to be hurt. I’ve been hurt when my expectations were not met when the results of something were manifested. Remember the relationship you put so much faith in? Or a friendship? Only to be betrayed. Slandered. Maybe even abandoned. It is not easy to get back up on the horse the first time you fall off, not to mention several falls. It’s damn near impossible. Every time you get back up, there’s pieces of you left on the ground from a previous falls.

We are hobbled from our past experiences. Some people call this baggage. And some people carry their hurt and their pain better than others. Better than you. Better than me. We don’t all share the same life. It will always be different based on specific circumstances. God did not intend for us too in this life. If he did. Then we would. The same exact circumstances for two people, will produce a different experience for those two people based on a series of factors. You cannot equate the experience between a Man who is overweight, facing rejection, to a Man who is not overweight but face rejection as well. The fact that one is overweight, and one isn’t, changes the experience dramatically. A blind person who is imprisoned that face the same hardships as a person who is blessed to have his vision, will produce a different experience for each individual.

There was a Parent I would sometimes run into when I would drop my daughter off and pick her up at daycare. You seemed like a nice person. I would smile and greet her, as I did all the Parents I ran into pretty much when I was up there. I would look at her, smile, and say, “How are you”, or “Good Morning”, or “Have a great day”. Sometimes she would greet, but most of the time she would not. And she never smiled. Like ever. She never really spoke. I never really seen her interact with the Teachers at the Daycare either. She pretty much got her son and left. I admit, I always struggled with this. As a Christian, we are not supposed to act according to how other people are acting. But I will admit, as this point I hesitant to greet her going forward. I found it incredibly inconsiderate and downright rude. Why waste anymore greetings on her, when I could just greet the other Parents who smile and greet me back. And I did do that for a while. My Pride and my emotions got the best of me. I hold the door for everyone who’s coming behind me. I’ve held it for her many times.

But I was fed up. One time I recall in particular, I was entering the building. She was coming. Not close to me. She was several steps away. Instead of holding the door and waiting, I entered the building and let the door close. This was very out of character for me. Her reactions to me, took me out of my character. My character. Being hurt takes you out of your character. Being offended takes you out of your character. When we are “out of our character”, we are not our best selves. We are certainly not what Christ called us to be in those moments. Why am I writing this? These things that seem minutiae, can sometimes have a great effect on a situation or a person’s life. Eventually I came to my senses, and realized I could not betray my character, or stop being who I am, based upon the actions of someone else. I greet people and smile. That’s what I do. If a person doesn’t reciprocate, I don’t like it, but by the Grace of God I’ll keep doing it, because you don’t know what someone is facing in their lives.

The woman I mentioned, had the outward appearance of a person who has their whole life put together. She dressed very nice. Drove a very nice SUV that was always clean. Hair was always done. She look the part as best as I ever seen. But how many people have you’ve known in your own circle, that have “looked” the part, only to be battling with a deep depression within? How many people have we known who “looked” the part, and we thought we doing great, only to find the next day they committed suicide? I was one of those people. I dressed nice. My hair was always neat. I drove a nice clean car too! And I was anything but “alright” on the inside. The Bible said that we are “the light of the world”. In this World of hurt, pain, darkness, disappointment, abuse, deceit, malice, hopelessness, manipulation, and the such, we are called to shine the brightest in these distressed times.

I believe that a smile, and a greet can not only lift a person’s spirit, but it can also save a person’s life. Someone whose been abused and used, until there’s nothing left. Someone who’s convinced that no one loves them, and that they don’t matter. There are people out there like that. They have no one to love them organically. They have no one to smile at them without some kind of an ulterior motive in place. There are people out there who are only a smile and a kind word away from not committing suicide. These are the people we need to smile at and give a kind word to the most. I am not saying this is the woman I mentioned above situation. But it could be. I do not know her story. But she’s not going to tell me. The same way you wouldn’t if we crossed paths on the street. Or in Church. Or in Bible Study. Even in the places where we should share such things we don’t. Because we want everyone to think were “alright”.

I will confess right now that I’m not alright. Gods grace is with me, but I do not have it altogether. I haven’t “figured it all out”. Many of the questions I had back then I still have for God today. I just made up my mind to keep moving forward even without the answers. My little pride and my little ego being bruised, could prevent a smile or a greet to someone who really needs it. Even if the person won’t or doesn’t acknowledge it. Think of Jesus. Would he stop smiling at you because you refuse to smile back at him? Or because you had a bad day? Would he stop greeting you? I am not immune to the things I listed above. This is the World we live in. These things happen around us every day. Sometimes they are happening to us. Jesus was not immune to these things when he was here in the flesh. But he did not allow these things to change his character or his nature when interacting with people. I need to work harder at not allowing the hurt and the pains in my life to dictate my character and how I treat others.

Trying again at anything takes risk. Dating. A relationship. A friendship. A Business venture. For some a second marriage. Sharing your hopes and dreams with God. There is a chance that you will experience many failures along the way. I think the pain of regret, is worse than the risk of trying again. I am not just talking about smiles and greets. I’m talking about our lives….