26 Aug Brokenness in Christ…..

Just when I thought God has taking me to my lowest point. He cuts me again. A clean incision cut. But there is no bleeding. Just exposed flesh and bone. When I think I have a handle on what to do next. He shows me I am still fumbling around in the dark. When I think I see, he shows me I am yet still blind. Blinded by what?

I give the shirt off my back to a friend, family member, or stranger if needed. I give to the panhandler on the street. I do not shy away or pretend I do not see them. I walk purposely in their direction. “Can you spare any change, I’m hungry. I haven’t eating”? Of course. I live for such moments in time. Jesus would do it. God Bless you. In fact, Jesus would heal whatever illness or calamity that is afflicting them as well. I don’t have the power to heal, but I have the power to pray. The power to give. The power to touch.

I also have the power to speak his word(s). And they are powerful. Earth shattering. They are literally capable of changing the course of one person’s life, and the future existence. Not all are open to hear it, but many are desperate to hear it. Not from someone else, but from me! There are people only I can reach, whom God has setup in my life. People who I have the absolute privilege of holding their attention. I say some uplifting things. Some kind words. But kind words a lot of times at the end of the day are just that. Kind words. Kind words does not change life’s. Kind words do not save souls. Kind words offer a temporary feeling of acceptance. Love. Caring. Thoughtfulness. But they do offer anything substantial over the long term. And definitely not anything eternal.

But in fact I have the ability to speak these things. And often times I do not. I exhort to “kind words”. Jesus is more then just kind words. He is life everlasting. It is not just nice to share Jesus will everyone you know, it an obligation! We are obligated by Faith to share the greatest gift ever giving. It is easy to speak about God with those who believe, but what about those who don’t? If i was tasked with giving money away to a complete stranger, I would find a way to do it. I knew it would be a welcoming gift. But what about Jesus? Is he not greater then money? The truth is Jesus is not a welcoming gift. He is a stumbling block to most. The good news to you, is a horrid message to most. It will not be greeted unanimously like if you were bringing bags of money. For most it will be met with scoff. Disgust. Objection. Offense. Judgement. And I personally don’t want to deal with these things. I’ve been there. It’s not a pleasant place to be. But a better word for it would be, Comfortable! It is not a comfortable place to be. I love comfort. We love comfort. It is nice. It is predictable. It is steady. It is stable, or so we think. If you’ve been reading my blog, you will know that comfortable does not guarantee stable. I was living comfortably by all external measures. But inside me I was “very uncomfortable”.

I had all the external makings of being comfortable in life. Inside I was in shambles. God made me uncomfortable. All my efforts to be comfortable were unraveled. And though I did the things above, that did not prevent me from being uncomfortable. As troubling as being uncomfortable is, and it is. I thank God for being uncomfortable. That means I have not outrun my usefulness. God would be blameless regardless, but the fact that I was made to be uncomfortable, and though it is hard, it shows my purpose is still active. When you no longer made to feel uncomfortable, that is the time you need to worry. There are people in my Family who don’t know the Lord through personal relationship. I’ve been content praying for them, offering them some solid advice, helping them when needed. But really this is not what they need. What they need is Jesus. Isn’t that what we all need? This is not a call to beat people over the head with Jesus, but so many opportunities I’ve blown. Preoccupied with my own stuff. Center on my own self. Steeped in selfishness with the my stuff, and the cares of this world. I took my eye off of what was important. On what I was “really” doing here. Before I knew it, I was miles away from shore, on my own little comfortable boat. Throwing out water bottles and food to those who needed it. What they really could have used and needed, was a life jacket so they could come aboard the boat with me. Where they could eat and drink and be dry and be safe and be secure.

I left my primary job, and pursued my other jobs. Being a Brother. Being a friend. Being a Father. Being ambitious and career driven. I paid more attention to these things, and put the Lords Job on hold to pursue my Earthly passions. There I said it. It’s hard to say. Even harder to hear. But the mask needs to come. The bandages need to be removed to expose the wound. The wound is bleeding, and I’ve done a good job of covering it up until now. The wound has bleed through all the bandages I’ve thrown on it. And God has force me to look at it, and attack the source for permanent resolution. It can only be cured by exposing it, then bringing it to him.

The word of God cauterizes wounds. It does not make them go away. We all have past scars, and more to come in the future. They say that is the only way to grow. And I agree. You grow through what you go through. A quote I first heard by a man by the name of “Wes Watson”. I don’t know why pain and tribulation brings out the best in people. I don’t know why we need to suffer in order to become better. I guess that’s what makes us complex. How can you get a tender heart, if first you don’t know what it’s like to experience lost. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Rejection. Compassion cannot be achieved with these things. We are not born with these things. They need to be developed. And in order for one to develop them, we need to suffer, and struggle, and experience pain. I struggle everyday with these “scars”. Some days are better then others for sure. Some days I can’t wait for the day to be over. Or the best part of that day was before getting out of bed.

When it gets to that point, remind yourself, that you are spending way too much time on yourself. You are important and piece of Gods puzzle, but you are NOT that important! Let’s not be so self-centered. I am not preaching to you, as much as I am preaching to myself. Our situation(s) can help thousands who are also suffering. Helping others is funny. Because it’s the opposite of how were taught. But when you help others, it somehow has a weird way of helping and healing yourself. Doesn’t make sense I know. But Gods ways doesn’t make sense. Not even a little bit. Not to our minds. If you are broken or being broken, it is for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is. I would most likely be wrong if I tried to guess so I won’t. Because after all these years I still don’t know how God thinks. And I never will, and I’ve come to accept that fact. But we all need to be broken, and stepped on, and grounded to a find powder so God can build us back up into his best version of you.

My reluctance and inability to share Jesus with some people and not others, if a ME problem! I need to learn to love the way Jesus did. I need to express love the way he did. I need to wash everyone’s feet the way he did. I need to look at everyone the way he did. An injustice to one, is an injustice to him, is an injustice to me. Anyone I say I love, who I do no share the Jesus with, I am not loving them the way Jesus loved me. It is a horrible truth to admit about myself. But it is necessary. How do you get to that place? Through brokenness and pain. Will you ask God, for the power to do his will, will you ask him to “Break” you please? It is a scary thing to ask.